You would have been 66 today, Rajiv uncle :)

Rajiv uncle, I became your fan on the 31^st day of October in 1984. The character exhibited by you on that day while taking over the prime ministership of India attracted me towards you. I felt I have found my “Hero”! On one side you looked completely composed, showing no signs of extreme personal trauma with your mother’s assassination – every bit a national leader at that young age – and on the other side you seemed to be absolutely apolitical. Yes, you not looking like an average Indian politician appealed to me the most!

Rajiv uncle, as you were the first person I had become a fan of, I started behaving like one! If you would have met my parents they would have told you how annoyed they used to get seeing “windows” in newspapers even before the day was over! Even repeated scolding could not deter me from cutting out your photographs from newspapers everyday! Magazines were also routinely subjected to same brutal scissor treatment by me! Diamond Comics series dedicated to you was soon bought by me. The result of this hobby which I was pursuing religiously was that soon I had built a beautiful collection of your photographs – of all possible sizes - which gradually grew into uncountable numbers and a precious possession! (I still indulge into this habit.)

Rajiv uncle, today I will confess about my “chori”, the only one so far! – of my life. I had accompanied my parents to a doctor’s chamber where I saw November’84 – perhaps – issue of Frontline magazine dedicated to you. It was, as guessed by you rightly, full of your pictures. I politely requested the aged physician to give that magazine to me and he refused flatly. I acted like a “true” fan and resorted to the best technique I thought appropriate at that time: I filched the magazine! You should have seen the anger followed by resignation on my mother’s face later! But I still believe that “effort”, howsoever “illegal”, was worth it!

And, I was always thankful to our good old Doordarshan for giving adequate airspace to you, which ensured I could see you speak regularly.

Rajiv uncle, your becoming the prime minister also initiated me into the world of “current affairs” – politics – of India and the world as well. From Day1 of your assuming office I started maintaining a “Diary” in which I used to note down in brief your daily itinerary. Soon the ambit of my notings enlarged to sports – tennis and soccer in particular, and cricket in general – in separate diaries. (Soccer and F1 diaries are still being filled in regularly.)

Rajiv uncle, your becoming the PM also put me on the path of communication with a person whom I had never met. Yes, of course, I am taking about you. I treasure all your letters – replies – and cards – and your autographed photograph - which I can never exchange even for the entire wealth of this world! Thanking you for taking time out from your extremely busy schedule to reply – timely – to a young fan would not be adequate. I really do not know the right expression for this grand gesture of yours. But to say that I enjoyed exchanging views on the then prevailing political situations with you would be an understatement. In fact, the day I would post a letter or a card I would start waiting anxiously for your response! Initially you used to acknowledge my letter in a few words but gradually those grew into 2-pages long detailed discussions. I sometimes read them to relive those days!

Rajiv uncle, here I would like to confess about one of my biggest mistakes which I committed under the influence of my young age. I still hate myself for stopping writing to you after the Bofors scandal. To tell you honestly, my immature mind and heart were absolutely shattered at the alleged involvement of yours in the whole corruption scam. “Even Rajiv uncle? …” And I foolishly decided not to pursue my communication with you any further.

Rajiv uncle, I know that the world is not going to believe me if I tell them that after 8 months of hiatus, you wrote to me without waiting for a letter from me. And I felt ashamed till my core. I cannot thank you enough for ensuring our favourite-fan relationship continued till you lived. I have lived with enormous guilt since then because soon I came to know that I will never ever get the chance to “undo” it in this lifetime. I am saying sorry today, which I know I must have said then. I am sorry, Rajiv uncle.

Rajiv uncle, I remember receiving your last letter dated 21^st April on 3^rd of May to which I couldn’t send a reply as the next day only I had to travel to Bombay for academic pursuit. Little did I know then that I will never ever get the chance to reply to your letter in this life of mine. Your mindlessly brutal killing on 21^st May’91 shattered me immensely. I went numb. My family and close friends called me to inquire as they all knew how deeply attached I was to you. Watching your body being consigned to fire made me cry in public for the first time. Those sacred flames seemed to be taking away my Hero – my most favourite personality ever! – forever…

Rajiv uncle, I hugely regret not getting the opportunity to meet you in person. It was of course my biggest dream - to meet you and talk to you and discuss the entire world with you! But what I regret even more is the cruel cutting short of your life at a young age of 46. The closest I could get to you was when I met Sonia aunty at your home on 31st May'06 on her invitation.

Rajiv uncle, I felt intensely connected with you also because of our shared date of birth. You know that your untimely demise has never let me enjoy my birthday in real sense as every year on 20^th August, the date of my birth – our DOB – I start the day with moist eyes. I simply cannot help crying seeing your photographs in newspapers.

Today is 20^th August. You would have been 66 today. I know you are not alive in the worldly sense but you are - will be - alive - living - in my memory, forever. I miss you, nevertheless.

Happy Birthday, Rajiv uncle :)